You Know Better: Issue Ten

June 2016.

welcome to issue ten:
farewell to new york.
this will be my last zine.

Read on for a taste of this issue. To get a copy, stop by Bluestockings or email isabel at isabelsparkle dot com.

10.

I am leaving New York after 15 years. I am moving to New Orleans to get my MFA in poetry. This is something I have always wanted to do, and one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. This city is in my blood, my bones, my heart, my mind; it's brought me to my knees over and over, then saved my life once more; it's been where I began to understand myself, found my chosen family, hit the ground running and kept on going, fed on its neurotic ambitious weirdo energy, worked hard, lived harder, loved hardest. The enormity of leaving is something I can't really process. I've gone through my stuff, quit all my jobs, said goodbye to dozens of people, spent months reckoning with who I have been, who I am, and who I will be.

It feels like I am leaving everyplace I have ever left. I am standing in my high school sweetheart's driveway the night before driving off to college; I am standing in a New Jersey train station after my college boyfriend and I have agreed to separate for the third and final time; I am standing on a sidewalk in Philadelphia watching my friends load my things into a truck after I've split up with the guy I moved there for; I am standing in the Seattle airport sobbing into my coffee after losing the first girl I ever loved; I am standing on the stoop of the Brooklyn brownstone I shared with my partner after dividing our possessions. Now I am standing on the threshold of a new life, headed for another adventure, poised at the top of the rollercoaster. If all goes well, I will finish the program just in time to turn 40.

And that's as far as I know.

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